Katya Lavorovna

Inside

2011-09-20T14:39:00.000-07:00

What is beauty? (they tell me I’m beautiful…am I?)
To me, beauty is the ocean in your eyes
The sound of tinkling glass as you softly break my heart

“where are you now?”

What is the texture of moonlight? (at times I think I can feel it)
Lying beside you in the night
Rays of bluewhite ecstasy glitter all around white satin

“what do you see?”

What is a dream made of? (I think I know now that I’ve met you)
The sum that is more than its pieces, transformed
Tangibility from the ethereal, sensation from insensate realms

“are your thoughts the same as mine?”

How do I bring you behind my eyes? (show you this ancient soul inside)
Where waters of Eden ebb and flow
This garden teems with life and love eternal, peace, nothing ordinary here

“will you sail with me into forever?”

How?

2010-11-15T14:36:00.000-08:00

how lonely is lonely?
how far is a star?
oh, god if I only
could know where you are

how painful is pain
when it’s all kept inside
it drives me insane
to know that you lied

how dark is the dark
in this place that’s so cold?
where moonlight falls stark
on a landscape so old…

how long is forever
when the minutes are years?
how lost my endeavour
to choke back dry tears?

how hot is this heat
that reddens my face?
this burning defeat
this crimson disgrace

how, in this eclipse,
can your kiss still be fresh
I still feel your lips
and the warmth of your flesh

how do I resist?
my life should go on
how do you persist?
e’en though you are gone

then last week I saw you
as you walked in the sand
her eyes never left you
she clung to your hand

it should’ve been me:
romance’s sweet tale,
but I can’t make you see,
cannot break through this veil

once you were my lover
fate tore us apart
my mind knows it’s over
but please, tell my heart

how do I get sane?
let old feelings subside?
how do I stop the reign
that floods me inside?

how deep is this ocean?
how long and how wide?
how relentless its motion
of eternal blue tide?

for at night I still see you
we dance in my head
how yet do I love you
e’en though I am dead?

Well, here it is Novembre all ready...

2010-11-10T17:12:00.001-08:00

How time does fly.

I'm going to reopen this big blog. It was one of my favorites, and I hope it will be once again!

Kay

Holiday Wishes

2010-01-01T07:37:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! I haven't written much lately, and I apologize to any of you who might actually enjoy reading what I write. I'll try to do more in the coming year (that's not a resolution, ha ha).

So, I sincerely hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. I wish you all the best in the coming year and all the years to follow.

Love,

-Katya

Save The SCC

2009-11-25T17:33:00.000-08:00

I learned a while back that another wonderful series has been cancelled: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (SCC). This series was intelligent, well written, entertaining, and it made the viewer want more (just couldn't wait for the next episode)!

Now, like so many other intelligent shows, it's been cancelled.

There is a significant fan base conducting a campaign to try to get the series renewed. If you'd like to read about it, and, perhaps, join the cause, you can find it here: Save The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I hope you will join in and be heard. If you haven't seen this great series, please go and pick up season one & check it out.

It may not be too late yet to bring this story back!

Gauntlet

2009-08-04T14:44:00.001-07:00

The world is cold, and so the heart, listless living without art
In the thick you’ll find your mettle, nested in among the nettle
Find your niche, your true position, products of a hard transition
Like it yes, or like it no, you’ll go where you’re told to go

Live and love, then hope you learn, in life’s un-expected turn
Fear and hope, love and war, this is what we’re living for
It isn’t 'dope', it isn’t 'def', just remains of what is left
School lets out, the day’s at end, lick your wounds and help them mend

Fire and water, air and ice, rolling seas and rolling dice
What you’re handed, here’s your lot, what you have is what you’ve got
Feel the pleasure, feel the pain, emprisoned queen of your domain
Let them talk, let them peek, never let them see you’re weak

Run the gauntlet till you're sore, then you'll have to run some more
Doff the guantlet, throw it down, there'll be gossip 'round the town
Blood and water, nails and spikes, pain? you've never felt the likes
And when it's done, if you're not dead, stand up straight and raise your head

Another Afternoon at Mack's Bar & Grill

2009-08-04T14:38:00.000-07:00

sitting here alone again, breathing smoky air
several tables empty and a few more empty chairs
the TV’s playing sitcom junk, two men are playing chess
I run my fingers through my hair, it’s certainly a mess

I try to count my blessings, but my deficits persist
the worries mount to fill my mind, I wish I could resist
it’s times like this I need a smoke, a drink just might be nice
a pack of Luckys, a bottle of gin, and a bucket full of ice

Mack says, “Kay, you’ve gotta eat,” but I’ve no appetite
he cycles through the channels ‘cause it’s time to watch the fight
I start to rise to walk back home, but lethargy prevails
the sinking hole within my breast takes the wind out of my sails

Lena wants to sit and chat, but it might disrupt my gloom
so I take my smokes, my gin, my ice, and move across the room
to a table bare, where I sit & stare, and think about my problems
the friends I’ve lost, the things I’ve tossed, imaginary goblins

another fretful evening spent here “stewing in my juices”
weaving all my worries into ropes, and tying nooses
holding all my feelings in, I’ll never set them free
for that might bare my weaknesses for all the world to see

so I cradle my head within my hands as another hour crawls by
I rub my aching temples hard, but I’m just too tired to cry
I’ll finish off this fifth of gin, and I’ll smoke the whole damn pack
and sit here talking to the wall until the wall talks back

Dive

2009-05-28T12:35:00.001-07:00

I taunt the night, wide eyed and confident, walking amid
shimmering street lights and baubles of neon
a wall of sound, light, and dark mischief to be explored

I enter that lurid place, throbbing sea of underlife
fearless, I make eye contact, play my hand, deliver my line
awaiting my prize, a second passes, sidelong glances

Clueless, I didn’t know what I thought I knew
a knot is forming in the pit of my stomach, but too late
I turn to leave in air that has grown thick with suffocating fear

The room spins: my innocence bared for all to see
I color in my shame, distracted, I cannot move
She struck my face with such sudden ferocity

I wake in pain, soaking on cold wet pavement in the rain
tasting my own blood and tears streaming
such agony, humiliation, I pull my torn dress to cover myself

Lying at the feet of passersby who hasten and avert their eyes
in the night my vision blurs as sobs shudder
It burns so, this lesson learned at the hand of violence

Evil Is...

2009-05-28T12:07:00.000-07:00

Evil is as evil does
Or so the saying goes
Yet evil’s sometimes hidden when
It wears an angel’s clothes

Off softly spoken silver tongue
On sweetly scented breath
There float the lies of incubi
The ends thereof are death

While shining knights are blinded
Seeking satyrs in their lair
By golden haired young sirens
Wearing flowers in their hair

The workers of iniquity
Are busy at their task
Sowing dark impurity
Behind a cherub’s mask

In places high where kings reside
They whisper in the ear
Of those who sit in power
Planting seeds of future fear

They twist the mind of such evil kind
As dwell in places lavish
Who feed on grape and dream the rape
Of virgins whom they ravish

But when they’ve had their evil day
The truth will cast them out
From their lofty place they’ll fall
Found guilty without doubt

Those who made their wicked choice
Now mired in muck and grounded
All who followed evils voice
Will find themselves surrounded

By leathery wings of horrid things
That fell from heaven’s heights
Long-tailed devils’ hook clawed hands
And teeth that gnash and bite

So keep your counsel, hold your tongue
And lend a cautious ear
Pray for guidance every day
In everything you hear

Keep your friends all close to you
But keep your enemies closer
And when they whisper golden lies
You’ll recognize the poser

Nighthearted

2009-05-28T10:27:00.000-07:00

Night Skies
Night eyes
Make my night ties
Strong and darkly
Lit, by the face of the moon

Fate flies
Love cries
Down her face wise
Run tears pale and cold
In the light of the moon

Night wings
Heart strings
And my soul sings
A song of mourning
‘Neath the stare of the moon

Such small things
As bee stings
Have undone strong kings
And their shocked countenances fade to grey
Under the rule of the moon

Prick my finger
On the wasp’s sharp stinger
Let red drop linger
And I’ll sleep a hundred years
Waiting for you under the blue white moon

Melancholy Days

2009-05-28T10:25:00.001-07:00

all these melancholy days, seeing life lit through a haze
pastel colors fading shades, turning life to white and grey
through my clouded window pane, cold wind whips the weather vane
something’s lost its luster here, makes it hard to persevere

loving’s limits sore exceeded, never getting what you’ve needed
living lonely futures bleak, day by day, week after week
of waiting, longing, aching heart, tears my lonely soul apart
wishing, wanting, craving love, send a sign, a light, a dove

get me though the dark of night, lift my eyes to see the light
mediate my heart’s distress, send me someone to caress
to hold me close, and keep me near, whisper nothings in my ear
in this darkness, through this haze, stay with me these cloudy days

but these are just my dreams I feel, nothing solid, nothing real
fleeting thoughts that fade away, in the withering light of day
solace cannot find my face, hidden here in this awful place
of dusty mould and dry decay, all these melancholy days

Wasted

2009-05-28T10:23:00.000-07:00

the fabric of a wasted life in tatters sewn together
aching days and lonely nights connected by a tether
so frayed and worn this weakening thread suspended from the edge
strung out o’er the black abyss and hanging from the ledge

the many times she wished for love, or lust, or just for money
so destitute she’d prostitute to taste of life’s sweet honey
it’s close and yet just out of reach, the prize gets swept away
no beauty seen in midnight’s heat can stand the light of day

a world in muted colours seems to senses all but dead
the awful greys, the humming fear, the ringing in the head
but night will come, and bring the taste that frees the inhibition
reanimates this revenant and gives her new volition

out on the town, in streets and clubs, all lights and smiles and dancing
but captain jack has a rose tattoo and it’s death she is romancing
the swelling sea of bodies sways to a driving clubhouse beat
her body held in a stranger’s arms, just another piece of meat

he’ll lay her in the alley, or in the toilet on the floor
her head is in the clouds, she doesn’t feel it any more
and then a second, maybe a third, she’ll do it till she bleeds
not knowing what she’s thrown away, the cycle will proceed

and what is left for which to live when the smoky room grows dark?
waking on the wet cold grass, in a closed down city park?
or face down on a stainless steel rack in a metro holding cell?
another neon rainswept night on the hard paved road to hell;

--------------------------

Artist's Notation: Despite the theme of this written work, I wish to make it clear that I have NEVER done recreational drugs (or any of the 'other' vices described in this piece). I've had friends who have. I've witnessed the destruction and death. There is absolutely nothing glamorous about it. It was a very conscious choice of mine to avoid it all.

While The World Sleeps

2009-05-28T10:21:00.001-07:00

shimmering lights on harbour’s ripples
waves lap sand and tiny pebbles
champagne glass feels chill in your hand
alone in a crowd in a foreign land

nighttime full of sound and vision
concentrate on assignment & mission
leather and metal strapped tight on your thigh
a steely reminder: tonight you could die

so very straightforward – a simply laid plan
use signals, say keywords, make contact with a man
exchange information, get keys to a car
drive swiftly through mountains, under the stars

while others are sleeping, access a door
then enter a code, not knowing what it’s for
wait for the system while watching your back
hoping that no one has noticed the hack

upon confirmation, make exit, retreat
be quick about it, you’ll have to beat feet
you had sixty seconds and eighty have passed
alarms are now sounding so step on the gas

head for an airstrip where a plane will be waiting
hope you’ll be known, no time for debating
and you see in your mirror, a quarter mile back
headlights are gaining, they’re hot on your track

as you smash through the gate, the guards’ weapons bark
through shattering glass, muzzles flash in the dark
tires squeal ‘round the hanger as you slide to the right
and you leap, gun in hand, ready to fight

run through hot jet wash to get on the plane
your temples are pounding, you’re going insane
then friendly hands have you and pull you inside
to the sound of jet engines starting to rise

soon safely airborne, you lie there in place
your breathing is ragged, but you’ve won the race
heart pounding hard, you feel like you’re dying
hands touch your cheek and you realize you’re crying

you’ve done this for years and it’s so much to bear
risking your life for those who don’t care
no longer committed, no longer on fire
you make resolutions, say you’ll retire

but this week or next, in the wee hours of morning
your cellphone will ring and you’ll wake without warning
roll from your bed, put your feet on the floor
you said you would quit, but you’ll do just one more…

I like the way...

2009-04-03T09:10:00.000-07:00

. . .neon lights reflect, melting in the rainy streets,
and the way the raindrops meander
down the surface of dark glass . . .

. . .music echoes fading in and out between
the sound of voices, horns, and taxi's tires
swishing by on the wet pavement . . .

. . .footsteps echo off the silent concrete forest
at two in the morning
in a deserted cul de sac . . .

. . .my big couch feels as I snuggle
into the warmth of a cashmere blanket
and sip warm brandy . . .

. . .the pendulum on my big clock
swings to and fro in the dark seen in
brief glimpses of passing headlights . . .

. . .it grows quiet in those hours before dawn
when the world is asleep and the sound of
my own heartbeat pulses through my ears. . .